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Mommy blogs make me anxious

Mommy blogs make me anxious

 

Mommy blogs make me anxious.  Especially the crunchy, granola, happy, hippie, healthy Mama blogs.  You know, the ones tagged antivax, homebirthing/waterbirthing, GAPS diet, elimination communication, EBF, baby-wearing, co-sleeping, baby-led weaning or unschooling.  The ones with eight or nine beautiful, artsy photographs of their trendy kids frolicking in fields of blissful childhood.

What’s wrong with me?  I’m a naturopathic physician.  A naturopath.  I love all things natural.  I do a lot of those things.  Then why do I get a strange, slightly sick feeling when I read those blogs?

I decided that Mommy blogs make me anxious…and guilty.  There is an element of parental superiority in Mommy blogs: Look at the pictures of my beautiful, painless natural waterbirth!  Look at my diaperless children running in my three-acre backyard!  Look at how I can be a stay-at-home mom, stay gorgeous, and feed my whole family of eight on less than $150 a month! 

Parenting is hard enough. Early on in Annika’s life, during the height of her “colic” weeks I decided I needed to get to the bottom of what was making her so unhappy.  Surely it must be something in my milk! (This is the advice fellow moms and Doctor Google told me.) After trial and error for weeks, I finally decided to do a complete elimination diet.  It was on the fourth day of eating only chicken, rice, pears and avocado and waking up to Annika’s inconsolable crying that I totally lost it.  That day my husband Jason told me the best piece of parenting and pediatric advice:

Annika’s unhappiness was never from me.  It’s just her.  It helped a lot once I accepted that, because then we could move on from treating everything in my life to treating her (and she’s much happier now).

Seeking Health, Inc

We’ve got to stop blaming the Mom.

Mom-guilt is a huge reason why mothering magazines and Mommy-blogs are so popular.  I had no idea that becoming a mother would completely change my identity.  That my self-worth would be wrapped up in the achievements, temperament and general cuteness of my child.  It drives Jason crazy.  He is convinced that the only reason parenting magazines sell is that they are so effective at convincing you that you are doing something wrong. (Otherwise, why would you need to read them?)

It makes me incredibly sad.  We women have a hard enough time without being judged on our exact parenting style. (Is your baby Attached enough? Too much? Oh, you’re vaccinating? What!? You refuse to vaccinate!? Oh, you co-sleep…)

Recently my sister discontinued her subscription to a national Mom-magazine.  She said she felt alienated because she didn’t and couldn’t have a homebirth like magazine so vehemently advocated for. (She had emergency C-sections.)  That, and because of the very anti-vaccine stance of the magazine. (Is that really the job of a magazine? Shouldn’t that be a discussion between individual families and their doctors?)  I know of another woman who was heartbroken because of her failed attempt at nursing.  She stayed up late every night, losing precious sleep to diligently pump, getting multiple rounds of mastitis because of it.  To top it off, she was out in public one day feeding her baby pumped milk (which apparently looked like formula) when a stranger came up to her and pronounced: “Don’t you know that Breast is Best?”  She burst into tears.

We’ve got to stop. I don’t think it’s intentional, and I really don’t blame the bloggers, writers and magazine editors.  I still love to read stories and see pictures of cute kids and get ideas for how to make homemade toothpaste and bake a gluten-free cake.  But we’ve got to stop — I’ve got to stop  — judging my self worth by my “success” as a mother. I guess I am learning to accept that I am not perfect.

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Erika Krumbeck

Erika Krumbeck, ND is founder of NaturopathicPediatrics.com and the owner of Montana Whole Health, a naturopathic clinic in Missoula, Montana. She received her Doctorate of Naturopathic Medicine from Bastyr University and is a licensed physician in the state of Montana. Dr. Krumbeck is one of few physicians specializing in the treatment of chronic health conditions in children. 

Dr. Krumbeck likes to practice her own healthy lifestyle with her wonderful husband Jason, a physical therapist, and their children Annika and Leopold. 

She is a professional member of the Pediatric Association of Naturopathic Physicians.

Comments:

  • Avatar
    Cindy Lelea
    May 26, 2022 at 2:53 pm

    This article is so good! Thank you. Very well written.

  • Avatar
    Lori
    February 21, 2017 at 6:48 am

    As a mother, my insurance covered M.D.s and my daughter’s first pediatrician was a vaccine bully. I was pro-vaccine, but then I saw my daughter wake up with a mucous covered stool, indescribably horrible diarrhea and start throwing up her milk based formula less than two days after her second round of seven vaccine doses at 4 months old, so I switched her to soy, all the while I was also breast pumping, and then when she started solids; she threw most of them up and had severe reactions to peanut butter at 14 months old. I kept vaccinating both children, but I always knew the timing of the onset of her allergies was not a coincidence. And my son has severe regressive autism that includes self injury sometimes and many food allergies, also, chronic constipation and I suspect overgrowth of pathogenic yeast, bacteria and viruses. GAPS diet got rid of his bad eczema behind his legs and diet and probiotics help reduce his self injury. Aluminum is in many vaccines and some of the vitamin k shots and aluminum has been shown to cause hypersensitivity in some people. I think many parents wish their doctors knew both sides of the vaccine issue, but sadly most M.D.s only know and believe one side. Sadly, many doctors don’t even know what’s in the vaccines. Aborted fetal cells, formaldehyde, aluminum, monkey kidney tissue, pig viruses, bacteria, live viruses, thimerosal in some, just to name a few ingredients.

  • Avatar
    Lindsay Gray
    September 12, 2013 at 12:02 pm

    Hi Dr. Erika!

    I can’t even remember how I ended up on your website, but I love this post. Sort of like the commenter above, I am a mom blogger, too, but I try to write about real experiences and all the crazy stuff that happens as a mom! Thank you so much for posting this! I often feel judged by all the hippies out there too, so its refreshing to hear from a sort of “natural expert” that everyone needs to make their own decisions!

    Thanks again 🙂
    Lindsay
    leakingboob.com

  • Avatar
    Lisa Cash Hanson
    April 8, 2013 at 7:11 pm

    This made me laugh- One because I am a mom blogger 🙂 Well I do have a coaching site Lisacashhanson(dot)come and a baby product SnuggWugg but I’m a mom blogger.

    I also laughed because breastfeeding my daughter was like feeding the exorcist. She would projectile vomit out her nose and it was horrifying. She had reflux and colic. I was just like you. Maybe it’s my milk, maybe I ate this maybe that. Every night like clock work Matilda would scream her lungs out from 7pm until 11pm and my husband and I would pray we wouldn’t go insane. Some nights we were successful.

    As far as natural child birth? HA. I remember watching the birthing videos thinking- that looks like way too much unnecessary pain. But I was determined to wait until the last minute for the epidural. I should have known by my doctor’s face when I told him that he knew there was no way. The minute those contractions came- I yelled for the epidural it was like a comedy scene.

    But to my own defense I did have 4 days of labor at home with no progress and I literally thought I was dying 🙂

    So you should feel much better. Here is one mom blogger who is not like those other bloggers. Not at all.

  • Avatar
    Taieb
    November 14, 2012 at 2:35 am

    Hello,I just hopped here from FBU. Mommy Ruby sure is every mommy bgoeglr’s mommy! Anyway, I just hope there won’t be hackers in your blog anymore.Regards,Arlene

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